How beautiful the earth is today. How gentle. It’s a gift, a mother’s love. The blooming honeysuckle, the gentlest of breeze and soft soft sunlight. There is a peaceful, pervading stillness, a self contained quiet that is persuasive, leading me into absolute silence and being. No thoughts, no wishes, no dreams. Just pure being and unfolding under this warmth. It makes me want to come back to myself, to gather all those frayed, tattered bits and pieces that constitute my person and, just once, hold them tight to my chest with all the strength in my body, and then, to let them go into this light, so they can fall, softly, gently into place, making me whole once again.
Of soul, of spirit.
With nature, with self.
It’s a long and arduous walk uphill and I am still at the base, looking up, the bright sun in my eyes. But if knowledge and awareness are half the battle, then I am half way up. I hope to walk on, consciously shedding the unwanted weight of self-doubt, of superfluous thoughts and needs, of judgements and self-righteousness, to empty, empty, empty all that makes me blind to the beauty of this hill, the flowers growing there, and the cool shelter of trees. The running brook and it’s cold sweet water. The birds and the foxes. To emerge from the fog, the dark cloud of self-absorption into clarity, into light.
It’s a long walk uphill. I will not be done in this lifetime, or possibly the next. But I have taken the first step, and maybe that is all I will achieve in this lifetime, but hey, it is a step forward, and that gives me hope.
It was so difficult to come back into the sheltered cool of the house. The sun is so bright and happy today, after days of gloomy grey. I just wanted to sit out there, with the sun on my back, melting melting, simply looking at everything, and nothing. A slow soft gaze without purpose, repose-ful. Days like these fill up the soul brimful of light.
Nowhere to go, nowhere to be, except to stay in this light, bathing in it’s warmth.
Look at these happy campers. Just thrilled, I am sure, to feel the sun on their bright little faces. Tiny lemon drops of pure joy.
through quiet solitude,
through the silent movement of pen over paper,
reaching for the self,
again and again and again….
36″ x 36″ Acrylics on Canvas
The world is ablaze, and everyday, the fire reaches in more and more. More and more everyday, I try to stave off it’s heat for fear of going up in flames, of being consumed. More and more everyday, the outside threatens to become the inside.
But I won’t let it.
Not until I have this breath, this light, this birdsong, and the firm belief that there is more kindness and love in this world than fire and meanness. And I see that kindness and love everyday in the voices raised against injustice. That is what I choose to believe and focus on.
Kindness and love.
Be the light.
Loose, loose, loose….
The more I write, the more I draw and paint, the more I realise how important it is to stay true to your own voice. When the art flows naturally, it feels right, it belongs. The judgement falls away making room for acceptance and for being.
So here’s to staying true to our inner voice.
It has been a long couple of weeks since I looked out the window, since I lifted my face to the sun. It has been cloudy and I have been too intent on this little screen that brings the world onto my lap.
But the sun could not be ignored today, nor the cardinal that visits everyday,
and my favourite tree that, in the heart of spring, leans, ripe with berries,
over the deck and offers it’s fruit to my lips, my mouth, my hands stained purple.
That tree, that cardinal, this sunlight, my eyes gazing at them with silent recognition of how much they mean to me, how much I have missed them in just two weeks.
The world is still out there with all it’s messy, gritty, complicated beauty.
But for now, this sunlight, me, this simple respite of an hour or two, and my foolish desire for a beautiful, albeit, a simpler world.
Hope you are taking a respite, too, to rest your souls.
Take care of yourselves out there. Look after yourselves and each other.
I wish to do this. I do that. Some of the time. All of the time. Now. Never. Always. We are a luscious bunch of contradictions.
Unedited, unfiltered, unapologetic. How thoughts flow like rivers and veins catch on fire from the up-pouring, the roaring in the ears of words, feelings, thoughts, sensations, deja-vus. Flooding the gates of consciousness. Drowning.
Unedited, unfiltered, unapologetic. Walking through life, walking in a pod of silence, empty, filtering in the sounds of the natural world, the light, the perfume, the dance of growth and decay. Floating.
This is it. The true essence.
Unedited, unfiltered, unapologetic, who am I, who are you?
My heart felt wise today for no other reason than that it wanted to. And I, foolishly perhaps, let it, because this feeling is so very rare.
Maybe our old souls know all the wisdom of the ages but it is buried deep deep within the wells of our hearts and only comes to the surface, shimmering, under a certain light, or a certain need. Then it comes bounding up when one least expects it, and in that moment, one feels as though it has always been there like an old familiar face or a song…waiting to be seen…to be heard.
Love, dear heart, makes the world go round.